Falls Bowling Club - In The Ditch

Post archive

+ In the Ditch (03/01/2012 - 11:52:07)

In the Ditch

Look Who's 50 !!!!

Yes, the club's own Dorian Gray is half a century next Tuesday. Have a nice one Dino.

The caption competition has finally been won by grainne@ireland.ie. Don't know who that is? Well Grainne just happens to be the judge's dautgher. I know the judge's decision is final but really Dan.

Well the A.G.M. has come and gone without mishap. The only real change is that Stevie Stiff suceeded Bucksie and Jackie Collins and Franko Graham managed to get a nomination in before new President Gerry called for 'nominations closed.' Not so quick next time lads.

The President's Dinner also went well, much to the relief of a certain follicaly challenged Celtic supporter who didn't hear a mention of his forthcoming nuptials. Peter magnanamously awarded the Rose Bowl for Best Player to Jim McGettrick, the secound best player in the club and all the extra boxes of Kleenex from Asda were left unused when Bucksey was awarded Clubman of the Year. His Lacrine Ducts remained as dry as the Sahara. A good night was had by all.

Another good night was had when 45 members and wives and others ventured into the big smoke to see ' The troubles according to my Da' in the Grand Opera House. 'A night to remember' There they were in the Foyer Bar sipping their G&T's or Cab Sav instead of their usual pints of stout and that was just the women. The show itself was great. A trip down memory lane for some and a laugh a minute or 45secounds in Bucksey's case. Then back to the club for the inquest. The conversation soon fell to the question 'was the character of Fireball really based on our own RVH employee Stephen Murphy?' No. He's too young. Or is he?

As you know, Santa is now in Curley's and I spotted a Christmas tree last week in the house beside Kennedy Way Roundabout, so Halloween must be over. I'm off to see Mr. Bumble at the City Hall and write my letter to Santa.

So have a Happy Christmas and

Keep high for chalk.

In the Ditch

Caption competition

So what is Jim saying to Jim that is so shocking? Dan Cregan will buy a pint for the best entry and his decission is final. Please leave your suggestions in the comments box below.

At Last We Have a Winner

The club competitions have, at last, come to an end and I will take this opportunity to congratulate all the winners. This year there was a number of hold ups due to weather conditions and surprise surprise other factors. These factors need to be addressed and to assist I would like to suggest the following:

1st. We are the club competitions committee and we will have no other club competition committee
         before us.

2nd. You shalt not form any splinter club competition committee, or make individual decisions on the        main committee behalf

3rd. Keep to the closing date and times as set by the club competition committee.

4th. Follow the greekeepers instruction at all times.

5th. Thou shalt not sulk at any wicks against you.

6th. Thou shalt not engage the service of any sub to give unfair advantage.

7th. Thou shalt not take steps to ensure favorable measurements.

8th. Thou shalt not make idle chat as to give false information on line and weight.

9th. Thou shalt not covet thy opponents lead.

10th. Thou shalt not covet thy opponents rink.

Similar kinds of laws have held whole churches together so I would suggest that these simple ideas may prevent confusion in future years.

Thanks to everyone for making the outdoor season such a fantastic time.

Congratulations to the Lady bowlers on their win and hopefully it is a sign of things to come for all next season.

Hope to keep in touch over the leaner months

Until then

Stay High For Chalk

Micheal Hits The Top

All of Brendan McCloskey's predictions on Micheal McCarney were realized last week end when he was selected to play at the top level for the club and I must say he made a good account for himself. I however was horrified to witness the treatment he received from a fellow bowler on the rink. Everyone who watched the game commented on the cruelty of this, now well established senior bowler. Every week, time and time again, we see him lifting and polishing the usual lead's bowls handing them without even a finger mark. Yet the welcome he give this virgin A team bowler was disgraceful, passing the bowl towards poor Michael with his foot. A foot only God knows where has been. Shame on you, I will not mention your name, you know who you are. To think there are people who still think your a dead on bloke. Well done Micheal for not making an issue of, a true sign of a gentleman. You bowled better than he did as well!!

When Gerry Lee told me he was having difficulty eating because he broke a plate I suggested he should eat out of a bowl, after all who was going to see him in his own kitchen. I only realized what he was on about when I saw him in the club the next day. He was like, Granny McFee, or something out of Macbeth's opening scene, without the warts but also with out the teeth, where the three witches are making a big pot of soup. There you go Gerry eat some of the soup there nothing to chew so that should hold you until the dentist sorts out your plates, cups and saucers etc.

The club competitions are moving swiftly along and it looks like we're on target for a fantastic Finals Day. (28th August). One of the most confusing matches in the clubs history was held last week when we had Jim Smith and Stephen Hamilton playing Stephen Lowe and Jim Murphy, or was it the other way with Stephen Hamilton and Jim Murphy playing Jim Smith and Stephen Lowe. No that's wrong it was Stephen Stephen and Lowe Lowe playing Hamilton Smith and Jim Jim. This is worse then doing the lottery in fact you have a better chance of winning the lottery. One more time; Stephen Murphy and Jim Lowe playing against Stephen Smith and Jim Hamilton. That's the one. Anyway two Stephens leading and two Jims skipping. Confusing or what Well bowled Stephen; two reply, thank-you. That was on the green, the real fun was on the inside of the club when you had Pat Murphy sitting at one side of the window and Moria Smith sitting at the other side listening to the well bowled remarks thinking separately "everyone loves my Stephen" Congratulations to Murphy and Lowe on winning a very close game.

A bit of a flat note to end.
The Mid week lost their semi-final match against Mossely on Wednesday in what was a close encounter. Well done lads for getting that far.

Its a fact the club's average age is getting younger I believe it it down to around 124yrs and 3 months so we are moving in the right direction.

If anyone has not read the Midweek match reports by Paul Anthony could do a lot worse than reading them. they are excellent.

Only one more League match to go. Where does the time go?

Til next time
Stay High For Chalk.

In the Ditch

A tale of Burgers and Bowls

Well that's it for another year. One of the most successful Mixed Triples weeks in recent years is now just a memory. For those who overdid the celebrations and are now nursing the mother of all hangovers this is what happened.
The competitions started on Monday. Two sessions,due to the large entry, one at 6.30 and one at 8.00. Everyone was up for it and there was a great buzz about the club. The weather was dry but a little chilly. Not to worry, Gerry Lee had procurred a new, state of the art gas barbeque and the heat from that alone would warm the cockles of your heart. Soon the aroma of burger and hot dog were wafting across the rink, torturing all those who had rushed home from work and skipped their tea inorder to play in the first session. Speed bowling was the order of the day and a disorderly queue formed around the chef. Much hussling bustling shoving and elbowing took place as everyone tried to be first for their burger. The weak went hungry as Gerry's blood pressure rose as high as the pressure of the gas in the bottle. Something had to be done.

Tuesday was equally cold but pleasant in the sunny spells. The competitions continued but Dan Cregan was in determined form having lost his first match. A Maitre Di, in the form of Jim Copeland, was employed to make sense of the burger carnage of the previous night. Soon Jim, book in hand, was going round taking orders. Everyone would be fed in rotation. No problem. And then disaster struck. The burger order had not arrived and there were a lot of hungry punters on the green. Visions of the previous night but worse flashed through Gerry's mind. The Maitre Di stepped in. Runners were dispatched to Asda. The punters never noticed. Problem solved. Dan Cregan lost again.
Wednesday night was very cold. It's always parkey on a Wenesday night, that's where the Parkers get their name from. We envied the Keatings flying off that night to Ibiza. Sangria and foam parties. |What bliss. The missing burgers had been traced to Fruithill Nursing Home. That's what happens when you refer to the club as Fruithill instead of Falls Bowling Club. All turned out well except that Dan Cregan lost.
Thursday saw a rise in temperature, both in the weather and on the green. Everyone now waited until their name was called for a burger. Everything was on the up, even Dan Cregan won. Then disaster struck. News arrived that the Keatings were unable to fly because George's passport was out of date. An emergency trip to the passport office in Dublin was called for to try and salvage something of the holiday.
Friday was a hot one. Gerry was struggling to keep up with demand and had doubled his burger order. A sous chef in the form of Ann Mc Coy was employed to saute the onions but this did not pacify the more discerning costomer who were now bringing their own salad. Dan Cregan surrendered. The Keatings arrived and George was consoled by sympathisers singing a verse of 'Leaving on a Jet Plane' to try and cheer him up.
Saturday was a hot one. Semi-finals day. Billy Ah with President Bernie and new talent Margaret McKenna played Rab Brennan Rosaline Kane and new boy Franko Graham. The game was at 11.00 as Billy Ah had to go to a wedding. The game was played along with three rinks of four bowl pairs. The tactic worked and the early start proved too much for Rab. The Ladies President on Billy Ah's rink was through to the final. That afternoon President Peter with Margaret Grant and Gerry Lowe proved to be too much for Brendan ( I can beat anybody )Rice, Georgina Timmons and Malachy Mulligan. Both Presidents were now through to the final. Meanwhile Gerry had taken to his bed suffering from exhaustion, heat stroke and too many Vera Linns. After another trip to Dublin, George had got his passport and was flying out that night.
Sunday was a sizzler. Gerry (trading under the name of Pepe Lee ), was now fully recovered and resplendent in a new apron and hat to let everyone know he was in charge. Expecting the large crowd that turned out Gerry had employed yet more staff in the form of Sean Magorrian as comi chef. The crowd were baying for blood ( and a burger ) in the hot coldren of the green as the gladiators stepped into the pristine arena. President against President. Both determined to uphold their honour. Peter drew first blood and the crowd went into a frenzy only to be calmed into a sigh of relief as the news came through that georgous George and delicious Deirdre had at last left the country. Billy Ah struck back but Peter deflected the blow and went on the offencive. All too soon it was over and Billy Ah was vanquished. To Peter and his team, the spoils in the form of the Marian McCullough Cup, presented by Bernadette. Meanwhile back at the Bar-B-Q ( or Hells Kitchen ) burgers were in short supply and yet another runner was dispatched to Asda. Those who just wanted a hotdog were treated like second class citizens and told to wait quietly until all the burgers were gone. There was more profit in burgers. The unacceptable face of capitalism. And so the party started in the back room and continued to the wee small hours. The singers were first class and the talk was of how great an event this was and how it brings all the club together. There should be more occassions like this. There was ofcourse the suggestion of a mixed league. Lets hope so and someone picks up this ball and runs with it.
Until then
Stay high for chalk!!!!!
p.s. I should just mention that birthdayboy Coyle's rendition of 'The Gambler' was something special.
p.p.s. Freddy McCorry failed to qualify from group D. I only mention this because Freddy McCorry keeps complaining that Freddy McCorry never gets a mention on this site.

In the Ditch

Gerry Learns his A. B. C's

A rude awaking for Gerry Lee last week. His street cred well and truly out the window. Gerry played for the Junior team last week due to shortages. As a well established Senior bowler he was so sure he would not be confronted with such humiliation that he had his wife make him up a pic-nick, as he hoped he would be sharing it and watching the match with the selectors (he's such a prostitute). Just shows you how ruthless our selectors can be. To add insult to injury he said that he never had his bowls cleaned once during the game. The poor man has been undergoing therapy to try and get over the trauma. Anyway, thanks for the sandwiches Gerry they were delicious.

There has been some crackin' club matches over the past weeks. Gerry McCloskey's triple was involved in one of the longest matches in history, running for 3hrs 30mins. Anyway they came out on top. Marty Quinn did not get out of bed the next day as he had run the equivalent of a marathon during the match. Well played Marty but maybe next year. It was good news for Tommy Burns with a win against Eddie the Onion. But the story of the week is how not to loose a match. Big Skip Liam lost his four bowl pairs match Against Paul McGeough and Jim McCormack and was anything but magnanimous in defeat. He did indeed wish the victors good luck in their next round but left the green, green with rage, and went straight home saying there was a nappy needed changing at home. I wonder did he change his own nappy as well. Its only a game of bowls big lad. I must also report that he has apologized to all concerned at his earliest convenience. Sixer McVeigh's triple was given an early fright by the new boys Franko, Gerard and not so new Pat, but the three senior team bowlers came good in the end. What about Shorty's triple with a shock defeat of three of our most experienced bowlers, skipped by no less than the Griffmaster. Well done lads and best of luck in your next round.

Franko has asked Vince Prince for the lend of his sat-nav the next time he drives a rink to an away match. He drove around Balee 3 times before he realized he was there.

The Mixed Triples Marion McCullough Trophy will be played over week ending 24th July and everyone is encourged to get involved in what is one of the best weeks craic of the year. Get your name down before the 10th July.
Dispite such a fun competition we still get touchers and you might even here, if you listen hard enough, Pat Butler shout

Stay High For Chalk

In the Ditch

Gerry has the wrong Dress Code at his school reunion

In the Ditch

Dan buys a drink

Who would want to be from that wee club from Gilford? I cant quite remember their name but after their defeat at home by the Senior team the midweek team rubbed salt into the wound with a clean sweep. We may be their closest neighbors but it is a long way home.
The club competitions are under way with no great upsets yet, however the inclement weather on the last two Sundays has left the fixtures list running behind. Despite Grey Cloud Carson and Black Sky McVeigh doing a rain dance in the locker room I am sure everything will turn out ok in the end, it always does.
Meanwhile in the commune that is affectionately known as the Parkers, team bonding has been taken to new lengths with the spirit of the summer of '67. The old hippies are sharing everything. Gerry is wearing Butsey's jacket, Sat Nav is wearing Rab's shirt, tie and blazer , God knows who is wearing Danny's shoes,Jim is wearing Liam's trousers and Pat is wearing Dickey's specs. Let's hope they all have their own teeth.
Finally, so overjoyed was Dan Cregan at winning his PG Triple that he bought his team ( not the opposition ) a tipple. Never having seen him at the bar before, Dino was heard to inquire 'Are you a member , Sir?'
Good luck Dan and all others in the next round and remember
Stay high for chalk!

In The Ditch

D.C.I. Butler Brings Back The Six.

The mid-week team had a disappointing result at Cliftonville recently, but Detective Chief Inspector Butler scrutinized the cards and found that Cliftonville had played a ringer. After he made a few phone calls to those that mattered the team were awarded all seven points. I just cannot believe that Cliftonville would try and pull the wool over the big mans eyes. Well done Pat.

You have all heard of Eddie the Eagle well let me tell you the club has their own Eddie.
Yes, Eddie the Onion. On a rain sodden Saturday at Mossley some of the B Team members decided rather than changing out of their greys they would put their white wet-gear on over the greys because it was evident that the rain was on for the duration of the match. Eddie remarked that that was a good idea. So Eddie pulled on his whites over his grey trousers and then his white wet-gear over the three layers he was already wearing, meaning he had as many layers as a small onion. It worked wonders as he managed to get an eight in fact almost two eights. Looking at the card his rink scored a 5. 6, 7 & an 8. The selectors are now considering asking all the club skips to wear three pairs of trousers during all matches in future.

It warms my very socks to listen to the encouraging bellows from the club skips as they guide their charges through the games. One remark sticks out in my mind. I will not name the persons involved. During the course of a mid week match a lead threw a bowl about 4 yards short and 2 or 3 yards tight. To which the skip shouted "That's OK. It leaves plenty of room for the rest of them". It brought tears to my eyes as I rolled on the ground laughing.

The club competitions are up and running and would like to wish all involved every success in them, particularly me.

Until next time remember to,

Stay High For Chalk.

In The Ditch

History Repeats Itself At Falls

Yes folks history repeated itself this month. It is hard to believe its a year since Sean Magorrian joined the Clive Dunn club. Well the C.D. club has got itself a new member. Big congratulations to Rodger McCall on the birth of his first grandchild. Hope all is well with mother and child Rodger.

A disappointing week for the club with only the A team bowlers victorious with another great six away to Castleton. Should have been seven but for a lucky last bowl from the oppositions skip on the last end. Anyway that is the third six for the team putting them on top of the league. Three sixes in a row sort of funny that and listening to comments from an individual on Friday night regarding Paul McVeigh's 21 to nil away to Ballymena is enough to send a shiver down your spine. Look at the facts; three sixes, 6 6 6, a whitewash away to Ballymena on Friday the 13th by a man we call sixer I let you lot draw your own conclusions.

I hear Ewerts are considering opening a lost and found office given the amount of stuff left behind by our visiting teams last week. Its not that hard lads check your bag before you go and it would save you the trip over to retrieve your wet weather gear or shoes or hat or whatever you leave behind. Keep an eye on Daniel Rab don't want to leave him behind, or maybe you do!!!!!!!!!!!!

Good luck to the Vets who start their campaign this week. The healthy numbers of members who are eligible to play on the Vets league means we are able to play two teams. Get your names down on the availability list.

Lets get back on track by picking up points at our next games. So get out on the green and get the necessary practice in and remember tight bowls are no good to me because you will never be able to shout.

Stay High For Chalk.

In the Ditch

Is it just me or are there a couple of depressions in the green where the drainage holes were dug. If you are unfortunate enough to hit one of these depressions your bowl will go in any direction but the right one. Anyway , selectors, that's my excuse.
Speaking of excuses, the Club Competitions draws have taken place. You should see the clampets I've been drawn with and against. If only I had gone to Club Fruithill this would never have happened. Oh well! Boogie on dude.
I see the Vets have managed to get 2 teams into the league. Well done Pat for your efforts. This should give the better bowlers a better chance and we should do a lot better than last year.
It's good to see the numbers playing in the mornings remains high. According to sweet and gentle Butsey (and he should know), we get more in the mornings than most clubs get all week.Contast that with the sorry sight of Big Skip ploughing a lonely furrow up and down the rink last night and you can see that the enthusiasm of the begining of the season is starting to wane or is it the start of the Apprentice that's the problem.
Mixed fortunes in the PGs so far. Harry fought a vallient rear-guard action in his first match of the season( who in their right mind allows their daughter to get married during the bowling season ) as did Billy Ah, but his rink was dispatched by whatever Nutt was hiding behind his back. Ah well tomorrow's Ah nother day as they say. Sweet and gentle walked 500 miles and then he walked 500 more along the side of the green and this must have inspired the two Jim's (McGettrick and Murdock) to greater things and success. So my advice to you in the next round is to
Stay High For Chalk

In The Ditch

Well Done Everyone

A great start to the league campaigns with all teams running out winners. I was very interested in last weekends matches with both A and B teams playing Ulster Transport. The senior team had home advantage this week and made the most of it by taking six points. The friendship between the two clubs was very evident by the manner in which the game was played. One rink of interest was No 3 rink,when Peter McGaritty was drawn against one of our old members. Despite running out easy winners Peter must be commended for the encouragement that he give to the opposing skip during the course of the game

Captain Pat took the junior team all the way across town to Jordanstown without any parental assistance at all. They started off well by taking a fantastic six. Michael Merrit skipping for the first time on the Junior team took the oppositions closest wood from the head for a five on the last end, showing he hasn't lost the killer instinct that served him so well on the Senior team. The Junior team secured an excellent six points, a very creditable result away to U.T.
What a job for the selectors. Who would want that job. Who would volunteer for that job. A few experienced bowlers were available for the next game so a few changes were made. It is said that Michael McCarney was on bended knee begging his son not to re-join the club. Hard luck Rab. Daniel (super sub) Brennan played an absolute blinder contributing to Merrits 35 - 9 victory at Transport and there was more to come from him on his next time out.

The next time out was on Wednesday night when the Parkers were playing at home to Nortel and Daniel again showed the skills he displayed at the weekend. The other new boys played their part ant it was another great six points for the club. Not a bad start at all.

The Mid-Week team had the daunting task of an away game at Ewerts. I have been told that the green was in excellent condition and running as well as our own but it was unforgiving if you missed your line by the slightest margin. It took a few ends for our lads to find lines and weight but when they did it turned out to be a very close encounter with Captain Joe securing five points for the team when they got a five at the very last end of the game. Joe don't leave it so long the next time. Some of us have serious heart conditions.As I said at the start well done everyone.

Looks like the weather is turning so get the wet gear on and practice, practice, practice and who knows you may hear yourself screaming

Stay High For Chalk.

In The Ditch

Well that us off to a flying start. Two friendly matches with our friends at Willowfield and Balmoral or was it Belmount? I must check that one out with President P.

Anyway two wins from two so as I said, off to a flying start. Lets hope the lads can make it three out of three on Saturday when they play Comber. An honor indeed to be asked to play Comber on the day they open their new clubhouse.

The green has been opened for two weeks now and already some individuals have played more bowls than others might throw in a season. And why not we have been blessed with super weather so far and it looks like its here for another we while yet. It is rumored that the Board are considering some of our new members pay double due to the length of time they are spending on the green. Suppose that would be OK, as long as they pay the alimony when the said new member's wives file for divorce.

The green is playing fantastic for this time of year. All down to the hard work of 100 jobs McGarrity. Well done Peter. Everyone seems to be looking after the green as I haven't noticed any pitch marks. So Barns Wallace must be planning an assault on Spelga Dam. All I can say I hope it take him to September to get the job done.

Someone do me a favour......................... Nip out to the green and ask that fella Frank whats he drinking because its last orders at the bar.

Get out there and enjoy the green, get the practice in and as always.

Stay High For Chalk

In the Ditch

Opening Day 2011

At long last the 26th March was upon us and everyone was out to enjoy the day. We were blessed with warm sunshine from the offset and that only added to what was a great day at Falls.

The official start time was for 2pm but some were out a lot earlier than that. A car was seen in the carpark at 10am. I have no idea who owned it but there was a local Lurgan newspaper sitting on the dashboard. No doubt the individual sourced somewhere to eat because unless he was out cutting the green with the greenkeeper he would have had little to do. I do know for a fact that a certain trio of bowlers were seen at a local eatery horsing down what can only be described as a farmyard massacre. One of the three was there on instruction of the doctor. He had lost weight over the lean winter months and he needed to build up his ballast if he is to deliver any quality bowls this year. The other two who I will call Arnold and Danny to maintain anonymity ensured that he finished off Pinky while they both shared Perky.

Others I believe had their fry at home or in other eating establishments before arriving at the club and it was as well as they did because they would not see food again for another 3 hours.

Opening day at Falls is always a special day and this year was no exception. Each member greeting those he met while sizing up the competition for the various teams. Sorry to hear you you are going under the knife in May or I do hope your back problem clears up and Your boss is making you work Saturdays. What a shame. Their heads working overtime to ascertain if anything positive will come to them. Well that's what some would have you believe. All I know people turn up for the craic and to renew friendships and make new friends. It always reminds me of returning to school after the summer holidays. Spot the first years; not that difficult with their faces washed. Blazers dry cleaned and new badge on the pocket. You know who you are and I know you will have a wonderful year. We will ensure you have every chance of getting a match this year.

At 2.20 we were asked to move outside for the unfurling of the flag and given the weather everyone headed out leaving behind drinks they wouldn't see again for 20 minutes or more. The sacrifices we make.

President Peter and his bride moved down to the green and this was Marie's big moment. She understood now what all the practice throwing the contents of the fruit bowl up the long hall was for and I must say it paid off; leaving a bowl just behind the jack was all any skip could ask for from their lead. After the photo shoot we all returned to the bar where the festivities continued. Shortly after 3 we all moved into the big hall which looked very well. When everyone was seated and comfortable we were asked to stand and greet the quality who sit at the top table. Then we welcomed our President and his wife. We enjoyed the meal and waited for the speeches everyone eagerly waiting for Peter's maiden speech. And what a job he made of it no sign of nerves delivered like an Oscar acceptance speech. Well done Peter.

From there we all gathered in the back lounge for the entertainment. Singers were called, some were called twice to try and make amends for their first effort. No matter how well individuals did the winner on the day was the club. It was another fantastic Opening Day which was enjoyed by all. Lets hope it is a sign of things to come. Enjoy the season and hopefully we will see some silver back in our trophy cabinet. So remember until next time.
Stay high for chalk

A.G.M.

Sunday 10th. October 3.00pm SHARP

Presentation Dinner

Friday 5th. November Sold Out (Waiting List in operation)

'In the Ditch'

Apologies for the lateness of this edition but Trouper Thornton was swanning around the Atlantic in a big boat and more interested 'in the drink' than 'In the Ditch'.

We begin by congratulating the Irish Under 25 team on winning the International Series for the first time. Tall Paul was our representative on the team and by all accounts had a very good series with his best performance being against Wales.

Unfortunately, no silverware came to Falls this season with the Seniors finishing sixth in the league. Their best result was beating Belmont in the I.B.A. Cup.

The Junior team finished fourth with their best results being an away win in the league against Downpatrick and a tie-end win over Dunbarton in the P.G.Cup.

The Mid-Week finished fifth with their highest points total for a few years.
The Parkers played with their characteristic schoolboy enthusiasm and had a run of three wins ( correction: 4 wins )in a row.
The Veterans finished their season of 14 matches with 24 hard won points.

Congratulations to all the Club Competition Winners. It was great to have all the finals played on time. The social event was also a great success. Some suggestions for next year. 1.-A Novice Singles and 2.-The Triples become 2-Bowl. Think about it and let us have your views in the comments box below.

NEWS FLASH

The Bowling Committee have been successful in obtaining a grant of £5,000 from Belfast City Council to establish a Youth Bowling Academy. This, I am sure you will agree, is a remarkable achievement considering the stringent times we live in. So, this is a ground breaking opportunity to encourage all your relations (aged 10-18) boys and girls, to come along and experience the great game of bowls. Further information can be had from any Bowling Committee member asap.

More Breaking News

Congratulations to Bernadette McCullough on being elected Vice President of the Irish Womens Bowling Association for 2011. This is a great honour for our club. Well done.

Has anyone noticed the adverts appearing in the Job Section of the press looking for professional script writers. Could this have anything to do with Peter Mc Garrity's inaugural address to the A.G.M. on the 10 October. Can't wait.
For those playing at the Stadium or short mat over the winter, have a good season.
I would like to thank those few who bought me pints for a mention in 'In the Ditch' and thanks to the many who bought me pints not to be mentioned.
Updates to the site, photos etc. will continue over the winter so stay in touch and remember that it doesn't matter if your stadium or short mat
Stay High For Chalk

In The Ditch

Well, the holiday fortnight, or should I say month, is well and truly behind us and the season is nearly over. We had a very successful mixed triples week culminating in an enjoyable presentation evening.

Beginning with the Mixed Triples, congratulations to the winners. Ann Devlin, Tommy Marley and Paul Anthony and many thanks to all those who helped in any way. The amount raised for charity ( the Childrens Hospice ) was £500--a great effort. On the negative side, entries would need to increase to make this a viable competition in the future.
At the presentation, it was great to see Joe Crawford accepting his Honorary Membership. A truly great character.The naming of the bench in honour of the McKelveys was also well received and the recognition of the labour of love by Jim McGettrick ( Senior and Junior teams from 1968 ) was also important.
The games since the break brought 3 wins with only the Parkies falling to an already promoted NICS team.
It should be noted that "Sciatica Boy" in the Junior Team is patenting his new delivery. Not seen in the David Bryant coaching manual. How did your whites not split?
It has also been reported that Backhand Butler is continuing her preparation for her first race at Drumbo. Watch this space for further info.

Parish notices:
Members are encouraged to play their club competitions asap. Finals day is 29th August.
A.G.M. is on 10 October @ 3.00pm sharp
Annual Dinner 5 November (It is hoped to keep the price as competitive as possible )

And now the Quiz:
Which Proclaimers lookalike went to Barcelona but didn't see Nou Camp, the Gaudi Cathedral or a Tapas bar?
Clue: The one without the suntan.
Which senior bowler tries to overcome his opponents with the scent of Yardley Gold?
Clue: He could do with sewing lessons
Which morning bowler produced calipers in a "friendly rollup" even though there was no chance of winning?
Clue: He has been known to bring his own fan club to a Wednesday night game.
Which Vet has made his come back with a one in a row win in the 2 bowl pairs.
Clue: He appears to be wearing a Bluetooth earpiece.
Which Midweek bowler has the biggest toiletry bag in Ireland which does not contain Yardley Gold.
Clue: The club qualifies for an Ulster Scots grant because he is a member.
Answers please on a £5 note to Gerry Lee and remember, until next time

Stay high for chalk.

In The Ditch

NEWSFLASH !!!!!!

Father beats son at Falls

Cold hearted Rab Brennan thrashed his twelve year old son Daniel 11-6 in the 2010 Mixed Triples while the Child Protection Officer stood idly by. 'It's only a game of bowls' quipped Rab. Is that right? Well what is it like sleeping on the sofa?

In The Ditch

As we approach the July break, it's time for some reflection on the season so far. On the negative side, we are out of all cups and no representation in the PG Championships. However, the league situation offers a more positive outlook.
The Senior team are comfortably in the top six and looking to finish with more wins.
The Junior side are pushing for a top three finish. If only they could have picked up points at Ballymena and Dunbarton.
Falls Mid-week have gone off the rails recently but will no doubt finish strongly.
The Parkers have come with a late run up the rails. Could they achieve promotion?
The Marian McCullough Cup mixed triples will be played during the Twelfff week. Let's hope for good weather and good craic.
The Club Competitions are ongoing. Keep an eye on the notice boards for your name if you haven't already played your game before the due date.
At the Mixed Triples presentation we will be inducting Joe Crawford as an Honorary Member. Very well deserved. There will also be the unveiling of a new plaque to Billy and Betty McKelvey.

So until after the break remember to
Stay high for chalk!!

In The Ditch

Sad Day For The Irish

Our Falls Rink, Sean Trainor, David Nixon, Martin Trainor and Micheal Merritt, representing Ireland in the British Isles Championship scummed 12-20 to a much stronger Scottish team from Glaisnock Valley. They started from behind but clawed their way back to within one shot at the fifteenth end. Unfortunately, they only picked up one shot in the remainder of the game. Our neighboring club Divis faired no better, with David McGlieve going down 10-21 to Matt Le Ber from Vale Recreation BC Guernsey.
The Midweek team fell out of the cup and Dan Cregan was beaten in the Vets singles.Oh well as the last words were in Gone with the wind 'After all, tomorrow is another day.'

In The Ditch

Entries are being taken now for the Marian McCullough Cup Mixed Triples to be played during the week 11th-18th July. All entries must be submitted on or before 3rd July. Please do not enter if you are unable to commit to playing every day of the competition.

In The Ditch

Unfortunately we begin this edition of 'In the Ditch' with the sad news of the death of Micheal Drysdale. Micheal was a member for three years. He played some games for the Falls Park but due to illness over the past year his bowling opportunities were reduced. We offer our condolences to his wife and family circle.
We are now two months into the season and this site goes from strength to strength due in no small part to the enthusiastic contributions in the various team pages. Keep up the good work.
The weather continues to be good and the green is playing better each day.
So far upwards of 80 members have represented our club in cup and league competitions, continuing our commitment to promote the game of bowls (Falls Constitution point 2 ) That's one for the anoraks.
The results since the last edition of 'In The Ditch' have been generally positive with the Senior team having a great win over Belmont in the IBA Senior Cup and they have 21 points from 5 games in the League.
The Junior Team beat Salisbury in the IBA cup and had a very exciting Tie-end win over Dunbarton in the PG cup. They have 32.5 points from 6 games in the league.
Falls Mid week beat Ballywalter in the cup and have 25 points from 6 games in the League.
Falls Park continues to be an excellent starting point for novice bowlers and 25 players have played so far this year.
The Vets are in a more healthy position this year and may enter two teams next season.
We look forward to the British Isles Championships in Worthing and wish our rink every success.
Recently we hosted visitors from Allendale B.C. Falkirk. We had a great day/night. Many thanks to the Scots lads for visiting our club. The supplies of Famous Grouse have now been replenished.
We do not have any more friendlies this season.
P Thompson and S Elliman will be pleased to know that the controversy over the use of the mirrors to determine if a bowl is still in play has been resolved in a Master Class held by Peter McGarrity. Application for coaching can be made by writing your name on a £5 note, placing it in a brown envelope and handing it to P.McGarrity, E.McNally or J.Copeland.
And now the quiz
Who was the oldest person at the Status Quo concert ?( Apart from Francis Rossi)
Here's a clue. He plays bowls in the morning, has a beard and was nicknamed Captain Birdseye by the Ards bowlers.
Who has an e-mail address that begins with 'what a bowler'
Clue:- Wears an XL shirt that is much too tight and shops on the internet.
Finally, in answer to Freddie McCorry's query 'How do I get a mention on In The Ditch?' I'm sorry Freddie McCorry there is no way that anyone with the name Freddie McCorry will ever be mentioned on this page unless of course you remember to

Stay High For Chalk

In The Ditch

Breaking News!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What PGL Triple introduced a super-sub skip and then dropped an 8 yes that's right an 8. I'll say it again an 8 against Dunbarton!!

On with the blog after that shock.

Since our last epistle we have lost one of Falls and indeed Irish Bowls Superstars, Billy McKelvey. There is an obituary on this site, sufficient to say he will be greatly missed. Falls would like to thank members of other bowling clubs who attended the funeral, sent letters or phoned their condolences, it was greatly appreciated.

Saturday results are remaining very strong with 7 wins from 8 games. The Wednesday Teams have some room for improvement, however, it is a credit that we can field two Wednesday teams and not use one Saturday bowler.

This Saturday 22 May is IBA Cup Day with the Senior Team at Mountainview and the Junior Team at home to Kilrea (does M O'Neill play for them). Let's hope for continued interest come 5.00 pm on Saturday.

Our interest in the PGL Championships is being gradually reduced (plenty of bye byes), however we still have interest in all competitions.

On the illness front, our best wishes go to Sean McKiernan, who is hospitalised. It was nice to see Niall up at the Club - hurry back Niall the VETS could do with you.

We have one more visiting team this season, Allandale BC, Stirling on Sunday 30 May.

Congratulations to Davey Nixon on his marriage on Wednesday. Don't forget that you have an even bigger match coming up.

Congratulations also, to Junior Team Captain Sean on becoming a Clive Dunne and what about the Falls rink who brought 3 apple tarts and 1 rhubarb tart for hospitality ( not a savoury in sight ). Good job the Old Bleach rink had a sweet tooth.( Those with teeth that is )

The green is playing great. Let's hope the weather stays kind.

So until the next time

Stay high for chalk!!!

In The Ditch

Well, we are up and running at last.
After a disappointing result at Transport, the Senior team bounced back with a result at Salisbury ( a difficult green to win at ). The Junior team made full use of the fixture schedule with two home wins and are currently leading the table. They host L'Derry Park in the I.B.A. Cup on Saturday.
The mid-weekers kick off this week. We are fortunate to be able to field two teams without using Saturday players. It could be argued that not using Junior players reduces our ability to win trophies but with our increased panel we are offering more people the opportunity to experience the beautiful game.
The Vets begin next Monday and they also have an increased panel to choose from. Long may it continue.
This Sunday we host Northern B.C from Edinburgh. This is the return leg of our trip to them last year. It will be good to renew old acquaintances and we hope they enjoy their day.
It must be that time again. Jim Copeland has been spotted prowling around the club like an insurance man with his new black book collecting for the savings scheme. I've just paid this years fees and now he wants me to start all over again.
It was great to hear Gerry speaking in tongues last Monday. and the V.P. was on the receiving end of verbals from Mud Hut (very funny ).
It was also good to see Sean apologize to Gerry in his match report on this site. His lapse on Saturday cannot be repeated. Standards must be maintained.
It appears that some of our elder statesmen are using their new passes on the Enterprise. However, I find the picnic menu somewhat disturbing. Corn beef and brown sauce sandwiches mixing with smoked salmon and cucumber????? Who will bring the Sudoku book?
Don't forget, the Training continues on Saturday mornings.
Surely, the Bowling Committee must have been pleased with the response to the Dress Code.
Let's hope then rain stays away and until next time
Stay high for chalk

In The Ditch

The Friendlies are nearly completed, the first teams are selected, so the action begins this Saturday. Let's hope for a strong start from both teams. There is ,however. a slight imbalance in the fixtures. The Senior team will not be playing at home until May11 due to two away League matches and a bye in the I.B.A. Cup. On the other hand, the Junior team begin with two home League games and an I.B.A. Cup tie.
The first round draws for the P.G.L. Championships have resulted in a number of first round byes which will inevitably lead to a number of second round bye-byes. Let's hope for a good run in all competitions.

Unfortunately the function to honor Billy McKelvey had to be postponed. This will be rearranged for later in the season. Nial had his operation and is improving by the day. Bobby Murray has a sore knee. Brian may need a new pairs partner. Finally Pat Lillis bumped his head while getting out of a car. Good job he was wearing his cap, the car isn't damaged.

The new shirts look great. Congratulations to the Bowling Committee and the Management for this initiative. There were many excuses for some bowlers needing a larger size. Suffice to say, some people have wintered very well.
Let's hope that the improved Dress Code for traveling to and from games has the desired effect of raising standards,building a better team identity but most importantly, putting the opposition at their unease by showing our discipline. There's nothing like a bit of gamesmanship.

The Green is beginning to show improvement ( we always knew it would Peter) Let's hope for a continuation of the fine weather.

Don't forget!! The coaching starts on May1 and all Saturdays in May. So if you have forgotten how to bowl over the winter or you just want to improve your delivery from excellent to stupendous, be there at 10.00am. You never know what selector will be watching.

Due to the large numbers bowling at 11.00am we may have to introduce a booking system. Long may it continue ( especially for S.Smyth. But he would want to book on-line of course ).

So until the next time, remember
Stay High For Chalk.
P.S. This site has just reached its first kilohyt. That's a word I've made up to say that there have been more than 1000 visits to the site since it was officially launched at Open Day just a few weeks ago.

In th Ditch

Jim Walsh throws the first bowl at the start of the new season. More photos on our gallery.

Due to unforeseen circumstances, the event in honor of Billy McKelvey on Monday night has been postponed . A new date will be set in the very near future. So watch this space.

In the Ditch

Welcome to the latest edition of 'In the Ditch'. Another Opening Day has come and gone. The formalities went off very well as we avoided the showers and remained dry (at least on the outside!). The President unfurled the flag and declared the 2010 season open. His 'bride' got a toucher with the first bowl delivered and so sets a very high standard for the incoming season.

The unveiling of the memorial stone and the singles winners board were both appreciated by the large number of members present (approx 100). The President ran around as if he was still secretary but his speech was well received (some said shorter than expected!).

There were a few issues around the catering. Who didn't get potatoes and who ate 3 desserts??? Answers on a postcard please.

There was not the usual bobbing and weaving with Private Greens entries (must have been sorted out on Twitter and Facebook beforehand!!!). Some interesting combinations though. Entries will be accepted up to 11th April and draws will be posted on the link on the team page on this web site.

First game is a 6 rink friendly at Balmoral on 10th April. Make sure to sign the availability sheets for the season and the 'the gasmen' do their work. The green is due to open on 12th April, weather permitting (the days up to Easter are horrendous).

We are inducting Billy McKelvey into our 'Hall of Fame' (Honorary Member) on 12th April at 7.30 pm. We are also recognising the Gordon family who have donated some of their late father, Eddie's, bowling memorabilia. All are welcome.

We have accepted 8 new members including, making a come back wee Joe, Hughie and Stevie the cobbler and wish them all the best.

Many that's to the web-master for his presentation on Opening Day but it has to be said it included some very scary portraits.

That's all for now, so until the next time, let's hope the weather improves and like the President's 'bride'......

Stay High for Chalk

In The Ditch

It Works !!!!!!!!!!

While the farmers are digging out the sheep and the boys in the Ponderosa are resisting rescue by the snow ploughs, Peter basks in the sun on the green which has weathered Tuesday’s storm in perfect condition. All that hard work on the drains has paid dividends. Well done!

In The Ditch

Welcome to ‘In The Ditch’ a fortnightly blog on the good the bad and the not so pretty goings on in Falls. I hope you enjoy our new website and many thanks to all for putting it together.

The views expressed in this column are not necessarily the views of the Bowling Committee. I hope that members do not take offence if they get a mention, but being Falls it is more likely that people will be annoyed if they are not mentioned.

Not so long now to Open Day ( 27 March). Hopefully Peter will have everything in order especially after all the work he carried out on improving the drainage over the winter. If you are staying for the meal on Open Day and haven’t done so already, then let Harry know ASAP.

Now for the Medical Bulletin. It is good to see Niall, Dinky and Webber out of hospital and making good recoveries. On a more sombre note, we remember our three members who sadly passed away during the closed season.

Denis O’Callaghan Honorary Member and President 1975

Matte Kane exceptional Lead on the 1960’s/70’s Senior Teams.

Bob Gribben long time member of the Management Committee.

We extend our sympathy to their family circles.

Breaking News The whisper is that the Nod has had his cataracts done ( looking for an international recall????).

While there is no tour planned for this year, a number of members are travelling to Worthing for the British Isles Championship. All the best to our lads, Sean, David, Martin and Michael. It is rumoured that the President, Treasurer and a committee member are staying in the same hotel as the England team. (Love the style).

Can’t wait for Opening Day, to watch all the ducking, diving, bobbing and weaving as the P.G. entries are sorted out. Remember, P.G. entries have to be submitted by 11 April.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day and until next time

‘Stay high for chalk’